Doctor, Doctor…


Off I went to see my family doctor, armed with my barely legible list of symptoms. I’d written it with my husband and had been as honest as I could, from the crippling anxiety to my plans of suicide. I felt much more calm than I did last week, avoiding a panic attack in the waiting room. This time a week ago I was wrestling Moo back into the pushchair, heart racing, while frantically texting the Samaritans.

I handed over the scrawled note and waited for the questions so I could explain in more depth, but they didn’t really materialise. Was I eating? Was I sleeping? Important points, but a lot less concerning than the plans to kill myself or desperation to be drunk. I was given instructions to return if there was no improvement from my anti depressants and to complete a talking therapies self referral form.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ungrateful. I’m sure those things will help me. I’m sure my GP is following standard procedure. I’m not even sure what I expected or wanted from the experience. But I left feeling a little deflated. Off I go, to join a waiting list of thousands of people who need a listening ear.

I know that the change needs to come from me. Only I can improve my outlook and coping mechanisms. I’m sure that the talking therapy will guide me in the right direction. But until then I just continue not sleeping? Being so anxious that I can’t answer the door or go to work? Sitting vacantly staring while Moo stands in front of the TV?

I don’t know what he could possibly have offered to help with any of those things. I need an immediate miracle cure type thing really. I’m just praying that I’m not waiting too long for therapy. And that the new dosage of anti depressants kicks in pretty soon.


Posted on January 22, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. There are a lot of meds out there to help you with anxiety and sleep while you wait for the anti-depressants to kick in. One that I used (and still do when needed) is called clonazepam. That helped take the edge off so I could sleep. When my anxiety was really bad, my dr mixed it with sleep aids at night to get me back into a sleeping pattern. Try going to see a psychiatrist instead of your GP. Psychiatrists are much more in tune with mental health issues and meds than your average GP, because that is all they do. Most of them don’t counsel you much – they pretty much just prescribe- so keep your counseling appointments because you do need to talk about what’s going on with someone. The psychiatrist will also be better suited to monitor how you are doing on your meds and what adjustments need to be made.

    If you can’t find a psychiatrist, go back to your GP and insist on something to help the anxiety and help you sleep. Also, if you do find a psychiatrist, be sure to tell them you are in crisis so they don’t book you out a month. You need to be seen in a day or two.

    Good luck, and feel free to contact me if you want. Just go to my blog and then go to my “about” section. My email is there.


  2. thanks for your honesty. Good luck!.

  3. You did a brave thing going to the doctor’s. can you go back? Book a double appointment and get him/her to read your post.

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