The News Fucks Me Up

It started as a teenager. The terrorist attacks, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, George Bush and Tony Blair. I was consumed by it all. It was a difficult time for me anyway, the first serious bout of depression. I isolated myself, harmed myself and absorbed myself in current affairs.

Why I latched onto watching the news broadcasts I don’t know. I didn’t have the Internet at home at the time, but I’d tune in once the evening news shows started and watch late into the night. Perhaps seeing the devastation that others faced made my own issues seem insignificant? Maybe it gave me something else to focus on and become passionate about, rather than simply wallowing in my own self pity.

And then I just upset myself. Lying awake for hours, my conscious filled with scenes of war, neglected children, criminal mug shots.

I can see the pattern starting again now, and it’s reached another level with the use of social media. I can access the headlines 24/7. Missing people, online petitions, live news updates, weather warnings. I’m flicking between Twitter and Facebook to catch it all. I need to know the latest details, perhaps I’ll be there when the case is solved or the child found.

It almost becomes a compulsion. Just another idiosyncrasy to add to the pile. My over active mind is like a monster that needs to be constantly fed. More thoughts, more information, links, images, tweets.

What I wouldn’t give for a thought free, day dreaming moment.

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Posted on January 20, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. We’re so similar it’s unreal! I tell my therapist every visit that I still “can’t” watch the news.
    War/famine/missing children/disasters/terrorism/one off maniacs scare the heck outta me.

    It’s nice to know that others suffer the same (but not nice to know others have the same issues as me, cos they’re horrible feelings).

    Sounds daft but the London riots kicked off when I was pregnant and spread out to Enfield (which isn’t too far from us). Ante-natal depression made pregnancy hard but this really frightened me and made me even less sure about bringing a baby into the world.
    Amy Winehouse died that summer too. I LOVED her and remember sobbing reading it on Twitter and watching the news break. Hubby was a huge Eastenders fan, but we had to give that up during the pregnancy. It made me so upset and angry lol.

    I used to really enjoy current affairs, but always got so angry and upset by them. Guess are personalities just aren’t quite ready to deal with such fast media.
    I find twitter and blogs a great comfort and cherry pick news online (usually lighthearted or happy ending stories). Don’t get much time to read, but I can find even listening to music or reading books tricky.

    When I’m at my worst I delete media apps (twitter included) as I feel I just can’t cope. I don’t watch much telly that I haven’t already pre-recorded and even then end up watching it a day or so after its aired so I know there won’t be nasty surprises.

    Bloody PND knocks the fun out of everything. It isn’t just the obvious everyday problems that sufferers have to deal with, but all the ripple effects too.
    Your blog is so honest and true. More people should read it, even if they don’t know anyone affected by PND.

    Xx

    • Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Like you say, it’s comforting and banishes the loneliness.

      Maybe I’ll write a newspaper, just filled with happy endings. 🙂

      Big love mama.

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