The Year Of Healing
2014 will be my year of healing. I need to get better. Only I can help myself get better. I need to reach out for support, embrace suggestions and offers of help.
In an ideal world, I’d live drug free. The Domperidone is here as long as I need to make milk for Moo. But I’d love to live without antidepressants. Or rather, I’d love to live without a need for them.
A huge part of my depression is my grief for the breastfeeding relationship that I don’t have with Moo. I’ve blogged about it several times so I won’t go into it all again here (I even bore myself with it). I need to let it go and move on.
I’m also going to look into having a birth debrief. A chance to look through my notes, ask some questions and perhaps quiet my haunted mind. The process won’t be easy, I’m already having to fight for it, and I’m sure reading my birth notes will be painful. But sometimes things have got to get worse before they can get better.
The two things that haunt me most are the traumatic birth experience and the breastfeeding difficulties. I’m doing what I can with the breastfeeding thing. I’m pumping, I’m supporting others. It still hurts, but I feel I’ve taken active steps to get better. It’s time to do the same with Moos birth. I need questions answered and I need clarity.
I’d love to hear from mothers who have made it out the other side of post natal depression. What was it that worked for you? What message would you send to mamas struggling today?