We’ve Only Gone And Done It!
I’m peeing my pants with excitement, Moo just breastfed. The last time she did this, she was just a few months old, sleepy, half awake, just a few short sucks and then cried for a bottle.
I’ve often asked Moo if she’d like to try, we’ve played with a supplemental nursing system. She’d put my nipple in her mouth, perhaps suck once, but it never came to anything more. I was sad, but my hopes were never built.
This afternoon we were cuddling, I offered and she accepted. She took my nipple in her mouth and sucked. And then continued to suck. I think I even heard her swallow. The latch was all kinds of wrong, no where near deep enough. But we did it. She tried the other boob, then announced it was ‘all gone’.
For that minute, I could look down at my beautiful girl, all snuggled in. No plastic bottle, just her face, her rosy cheeks, her soft smooth skin, and my breast. Heaven. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
It’s hard not to cry, to sit and sob from the bottom of my heart for hours and hours. All those moments we’ve missed out on. The newborn snuggles, breastfeeding while baby wearing, toes up my nostrils.
But at least now I have this memory instead. Even if it never happens again (which I don’t expect it to) I will always remember her skin on my skin. It’s all I have, it’ll never be enough, but it’s better than nothing at all. All I want is for my daughter to be happy, and in that moment, we both were.