People Don’t Get It
I get comments such as ‘you don’t know how good you’ve got it’, ‘it was your choice to have a child, you wanted her’ and ‘you do a lot of moaning about Moo’.
Those people obviously don’t get it. They don’t get depression. They don’t understand that it’s quite often my mental health issues talking , not me. Reading my blog is obviously not raising as much awareness as I’d hoped. The people making the comments are usually not parents, or parents to children who have grown up and left home. They’re not living in that all consuming parenting bubble that can be suffocating at times.
The way I feel about being a mother, about Moo, isn’t really *about* Moo. It’s not *her* that makes me feel the way I do. Her behaviour isn’t exceptional, no different or worse than any two year old. Its *me* that has the issue, the depression, the anxiety. It skews reality completely, creating a world in which the smallest thing is life’s greatest dilemma and rage builds far too quickly.
I’m not ungrateful for Moo. I know how blessed I am, that she’s healthy, that I conceived easily, that she’s even here. I’m thankful for her existence. Have I regretted having her at times? Yes. Do I feel guilty about it? Always. But I’ve been honest and open and shared, knowing that I can’t be the only mother that’s felt this way.
Commenting that ‘I don’t know how lucky I am’ does nothing but make the guilt worse. It somehow invalidates my feelings. I felt them, they’re real, I can’t help them. Please, walk a mile in my shoes. Read my blog entries about my birth experience and the days that followed. Research a little on post natal depression. Summon up some empathy, and realise that I’m doing the best that I can.