And The Mother Of The Year Award Goes To…
Anyone but me.
Today has not been a good day. One of the worst I’ve had in a long time. I’ve got a cold, which doesn’t help, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to become mega shouty monster mum.
My patience has been ice thin. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve snapped. It’s the opposite of what I think a parent should be, how they should react. I’ve not dealt with Moo’s behaviour well at all, I’ve been far from a gentle parent. I’ve sworn under my breath, told Moo she’s naughty and said ‘in a minute’ more times than I can remember. I’ve felt like climbing out of my body at times, feeling totally touched out.
Moo’s not been in a great mood either (probably something to do with getting up at 4am), throwing cups full of drink, throwing dinner on the floor, climbing on furniture, rolling on the floor screaming and slamming doors. But she’s also been very affectionate, giving me a cuddle and sitting on my lap whenever she has the opportunity. I imagine she’s been after reassurance, with me not being myself, and has been acting out her boredom at being stuck in.
I can’t help that I’m feeling rough so can’t do much with her, but I wish I could control my temper better. There isn’t time to even start counting to ten before I’ve exploded. I pity the neighbours today, hearing the screaming, crying and shouting, from Moo and from me. Moo deserves better than the mother I’ve been today. I know we all have bad days and we can’t be Mary Poppins all the time, but shit, I can do better than this.
Posted on October 31, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged anxiety, depression, gentle parenting, Illness, mental health, motherhood, parenting, PND, PPD, toddler. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.