This is really shit.
I love my daughter dearly now. I wouldn’t want my life to be without her, the beautiful soul that she is. I’m so blessed to have her in my life, that she was given to me. Her little character, her quirks, she’s simply wonderful.
But her coming to be, her existence, has changed my life, and not all for the better. I’m hurting so much. Her birth and my breastfeeding experiences and the depression that has followed has altered me. My confidence has been shattered, my relationship has changed, I’m suffering.
I want things to be how they were before. Or rather, I want the last two years to be different. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Well I feel like part of me died. I don’t know how to get past this. I need to, I’m sick of it. Sick of being upset, angry, jealous, guilty, frustrated, tormented. Crying over the same old shit. I just don’t know how.