Thank You, Drugs.
The drugs *do* work and they actually make it better.
I’ve noticed such a difference since taking 10mg of Citalopram daily again, rather than every other day. I’m back to me. Less stressed, less snappy, thinking more clearly. I’m productive, decisive and enjoy interacting with Moo. Why I struggle on for so long through dark patches is beyond me. I guess it’s a combination of not wanting to take endless amounts of prescription medication and sheer bloody stubbornness. Who wants to hold their hands up and admit that they don’t like life as themselves? That they need a little something to take the edge off?
I assumed (which is always dodgy) that 10mg was such a small amount that the effects were more placebo than anything else. But there’s such a sheer difference in my mood that it can’t be. I picked up my prescription late this week (I’m so disorganised) so didn’t take anything on Friday, and didn’t take Saturdays dose until late in the afternoon. I was fine on Friday, but on Saturday I was snappy, emotional, lethargic and full of self pity. And now today, after a couple of 10mg doses, I’m back to being the version of me that I can live with.
If I need to rely on a drug to be the person that I know I am deep down, and should be all the time, then so be it. I want to be happy and Moo deserves a balanced, involved, enthusiastic mother.