Admitting Defeat

I think I need to up my anti depressants again. I’ve been taking one 10mg tablet every other day, in the hopes of dropping them entirely. I’ve been taking them for two years now.

The last few weeks have been a struggle. I’ve felt low, but mostly stressed and anxious. I feel exhausted all the time, and not just the usual tiredness, I feel so tired I feel physically ill. I struggle to switch off at night, with my mind full of a million swirling thoughts, and then can’t open my eyes in the morning.

Looking after Moo is pretty demanding right now. Bed times aren’t great, we’ve done away with nappies, she likes to be played with constantly, her happy chatter has been replaced with screaming and whining. And now we mostly feed off each other, me begging for five minutes in the arm chair and her begging for biscuits, us both huffing and short tempered.

I’m trying to do the best that I can, but I’m not operating at 100%. I’m looking forward to bedtime or my husband coming home by 9am. I don’t want to feel this way, I want to embrace everyday as an opportunity to show her new things, play games, laugh, learn.

Maybe if I took 10mg every day I’d feel a bit less frazzled. I don’t want to rely on drugs, but if they help me be a better parent and get me through a tough day then I’m all for it.

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Posted on July 30, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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