What To Do Now I’ve Hit Two

I feel at a bit of a loss now.

My goals have changed as time has gone on. My ideal was to breast feed my baby once it was born, then she arrived and that all went tits up so the plan changed. I’m still coming to terms with this, grieving the loss of something I never had (as ridiculous as that seems) and I’m sure I’ll always feel sadness.

So, my new goal was to pump until my supply dried up, which I was told would most definitely happen. But after conducting my own research and learning about the miracle drug that is Domperidone, this never occurred. I began to produce more milk, little by little. So my new challenge was to keep pumping until I could cut out all formula. I succeeded at four months.

So, I aimed for six. The NHS would be happy. Moo would be eating more food, the milk wouldn’t be so important (another ridiculous statement). We smashed six months, I decided I’d go a year. She could have cows milk then. But I got to 12 months and came to the realisation that cows milk is a silly option, when I have plenty of human milk for her. My new aim was two.

Well, two is here. Her second birthday has been and gone. What should my new goal be? Where now? Self weaning is the ultimate challenge, my Everest, my heaven.But Moo can never truly self wean. Can she? Surely any child can drink milk from a cup forever? It feels like I need a smaller chunk. I should take each day as it comes, ticking off each month. But I’ve become a sucker for a personal pumping challenge now.

Is there a Guinness World Record for this sort of thing? Maybe I’ll just pump forever. It’s cheaper than bottles from the milk man and I’m sure it’d make a cracking mac and cheese. I’m slightly concerned I’ll never be able to stop. How do you let go of something that has been an enormous part of your life for so long?

I’m sure Moo will let me know when she no longer wants her milk at bedtime and I’ll somewhat reluctantly hang up the pump. Then I’ll need something else to sink my teeth into, a new challenge to fill the void. I’m sure parenting will continue to bring me plenty of those.


Posted on July 24, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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